Miami Cruise of Millionaire's Homes on Luxury Yacht

Review: Miami Cruise – Or, the Titanic After a Midlife Crisis✨ If you, like me, fell for the whole luxury yacht experience fantasy, it’s time to pop that bubble, sweetheart. What you’re actually boarding is a tired old boat with all the charm of a 1980s DMV waiting room… afloat. Luxury? More like floating disappointment. 🎟️ Check-in? Imagine a staff so disoriented, you’d think they were hired on Craigslist ten minutes before departure. Zero organization, zero clue, and definitely zero stars. Honestly, I’ve seen middle school carpool lines run smoother. 🍻 Food & Drinks: A warm beer for $20 (yes, twenty dollars) and a sad little cup of popcorn for $16. Unless that popcorn was harvested by Gwyneth Paltrow on a full moon, I’m gonna say… not worth it. I’ve had better snacks fall under my car seat. 🛳️ The Cruise Itself: You’ll slowly cruise past mansions that scream “you’ll never live here,” while a guide half-heartedly mumbles facts with the energy of someone who just found out their ex is dating a millionaire. It’s like Zillow on water, but more depressing. 💡 Final verdict: Want to enjoy Miami views? Rent a jet ski, take a paddleboard, stare at Google Maps, or just sit in your Airbnb and look at the ocean on your phone. Anything is more exciting — and more luxurious — than this floating scam. Rating: -3 stars and a life jacket made of broken dreams. 📌 Pro tip: Don’t go. I’m serious. Run like it’s a pyramid scheme disguised as a vacation.

It was nice.. took my girls for their 18th bday

A Frustrating Detour in an Otherwise Beautiful City We booked the Miami Skyline Cruise of Millionaire’s Homes expecting a smooth, scenic hour on the water. Instead, an unannounced one-hour delay left a crowd of confused passengers milling around the pier while staff hastily merged two separate departures into one oversold boat—no explanation, no apology. The real sting? That lost hour torpedoed our dinner reservation. By the time we finally left the dock, the Miami skyline was gorgeous, but we were already scrambling for last-minute food options and watching the rest of our evening plans fall apart. We’ve taken plenty of sightseeing cruises around the country, and this was the first time we walked away feeling completely let down. Advice: Only book if you have an extra hour (or more) to burn and don’t mind last-minute schedule shuffles. Otherwise, spare yourself the stress and choose another operator—Miami has plenty.

The tour said it left at 4.30 on your website. It didn't leave until 5.15, meaning most of it was in the dark. It stated we had to arrive 45 minutes early, and gave the wrong address, so we wasted most of our afternoon waiting about for a tour which was not worth the money. We also missed a dinner reservation because of timings. The guide didn't seem to care about giving much information and the tour went passed a few famous people's houses, but the full second part was next to an industrial shipyard. Would not recommend.